Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
