I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize