does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
