Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
