i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
