alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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