and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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