I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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