the condom got lost in my hair
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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