My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
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Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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