I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
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She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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