I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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