dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
