I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
why is half of my head shaved?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
