Duck Duck Cougar?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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