it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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