I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
