i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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