I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
