now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
