Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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