She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Mom said you looked used
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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