It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
