ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
