Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
