so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
