Don't make out with my wife yet
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
