i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
