Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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