the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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