We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
