Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
