I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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