Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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