Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
