Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
