I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
