Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
my liver is dry heaving
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
