Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
only if we run a train.
done.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
