Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
