I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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