Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize