and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just forgot I was standing up.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
