It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
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There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
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My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.