I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.