those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost