Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat