Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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