Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
