How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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