If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
