my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
