That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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