STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
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No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
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Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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