I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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