hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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