Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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