I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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