So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
