I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
