I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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