his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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