Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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