Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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